My Heart is Heavy
It has been a very difficult process this last year for me, but more so, for my sister. Last February 2018 my sister called and informed me she was diagnosed with cancer and she was having an operation. I did not hesitate andwas on the next plane leaving Dallas to New York. I informed my wife I had no choice but to go be by her side. My wife, who was also sick at the time but had our grown kids to be there for her as well. I was the last living relative to be there for my sister. This was a no brainer, I had to go. Besides, my sister was the only one who took care of and buried all of our other immediate family members within the past four year. In 2017 she buried my step brother and both my uncles. When I arrived at the hospital my sister was recovering in the intensive care unit at Sloan Kettering Hospital. I was able to visit but she was in no condition to talk yet. On my second night at the hospital they asked me for permission to revive my sister who had stopped breathing. Let digress here for a moment. I personally never dealt with much death and only went to three funerals in my life time because I could not personally deal with a funeral. When I witness the nurses running with the crash carts to my sisters’ room. I turned completely numb. It was as if I was dying too. I have never felt anything like that ever in my life and did not know how to process it. My sister recovered and became stronger as time went on. I was there at the hospital day after day for ten to fourteen-hour days. I never realize what a toll it started to take on my emotionally. Twenty-eight days after my sister was admitted into the hospital, she was strong enough for the doctor to have her transferred to a rehabilitation facility. There I was for thirty days visiting my sister and keeping her company and trying to be strong for her. Finally, I thought to myself, when the rehabilitation facility announced my sister was able to go home. I could remember I was so elated and filled with joy because I can see the improvement in her already. What I failed to mention in the beginning of this story was; my sister was not able to have the operation performed on her because the cancer at that time was too massive and the best course of action the doctor advised was chemo. They actually opened her up and had to close her back up. The day my sister came back home I informed her that I will make all her meals and do all the cleaning and laundry for her. She will have to work on feeling better. I kept her company at times and watched a movie or two. We would travel once a month to the chemo treatment in Manhattan New York. After staying with my sister for nine months, she showed significant improvement and we both thought it best I return back to my family in Texas. I quickly start sending out resumes and participating in interviews while trying to build my insurance business on the side. With me being in New York for so long some of the things around the house was neglected and financially we were strained. I found a job working with a company that was very good to me. I would normally text my sister around three times a day to make sure she was alright. I spoke with her on a Saturday and but did not get a response on Sunday. This happen one other time so I thought nothing of it. Monday morning, I get a disturbing call from my cousin in Missouri who indicated my sister was back in Sloan Kettering Hospital, and has been there since Saturday night. Now, I text her Saturday several times and she responded she was ok. Monday afternoon my sister answered her phone when I called and she sounded like her normal self but indicated she was in a great deal of pain. I called her friend and then my aunt, both, who live in New York to provide me with as much information as they can so I can determine if it warrants me taking a flight immediately. After listening to what they said I realize I have to hear from the doctor myself. Thedoctor was talking and telling my sister has become very ill and they will cease chemo treatment because it will only do more harm than good. I informed the doctor I will come out in two weeks and the doctor dropped a bombshell on me and indicated, if I were you, I would come as soon as possible. There goes that feeling again. I became totally numb and speechless and the doctor preceded with; I am recommending hospice. That blew my mind!!! What? I thought to myself. She was doing so good I thought. But the sad reality was, she suffered in an unimaginable way with no one there to assist in any way. Or, she did not allow anyone to help her. The last couple of days she was in the house by her self she was not able to walk. When I found that out, tears rushed to the surface of my eyes in such an uncontrollable way. I took the plane the next day and was back at the hospital by my sister’s side. I left work without a second thought. I needed to be there. When I arrived at the hospital my sister was awake and was relieved and happy to see me. She had no intentions of telling me she was sick again and did not want me to put my life on hold to coddle her, so to speak. I assured her I would rather be no place else. I wanted her to know I love her with all my heart and appreciated the inspiration she has given me over the course of so many years. She fell an asleep and was sleep for a long time. After eight hours the nurses indicated I should go home and get some rest because my sister will be sleep for some time with the pain medication, they administered to her. I left the hospital and arrived at my sister’s house. When I opened the door, tears stream down my face. It was apparent she was trying to get her things in order but was not able to do so. My sister was the type of person who will do everything for everyone. Head strong, fiercely independent, motivated, and inspired others to accomplish all they can with the time they have. She was a New York City Captain of Corrections and been with the Corrections department for twenty-seven years and retired as a Captain. She was proudly a women blue member. She has been with Mary kay for around twenty-one years and achieve a status with Mary kay to be proud of, including her Mary Kay Car. Going through her journals, I learn she was about take her business to a whole new level for the year 2020. As a legal shield associate for several years, she encouraged not only her family members to use the services, but to learn how to protect your self with legal matters that may arise. Lucia founded her adopt a grandparent day and would give to the residents who were being cared for in nursing home facilities for Christmas and other occassions. As you can tell, I am insanely proud of my sister. My sister was a warrior who never stopped fighting. She fought to the bitter end. She lost her battle to cancer June 25, 2019 and I really miss her more than anything in this world. We were very close since we were kids. When she passed, part of me went with her. I know she is with the angels now and hope to see her again one day. If you have reached this point and read all that I have written. I want to first say thank you. Thank you for taking time out of your busy schedule and allowing me to share with you such an intimate moment in my life. May God bless you and your family. May God bless, your health, your family’s health, may he bless your homes with peach and joy, may he bless your finances, and my he bless you with wonderful relationships that will enrich your lives for years to come. Thanks again.